“WOAH,” I said, “that’s so not true. What about girls in long-distance relationships?”
“Well, I guess I could sort of see that.”
“And what about using a vibrator together? You know, they’re called, ‘marital aids,’ for a reason.”
“I don’t know about that. Why can’t she just use my dick?”
I raised an eyebrow at him, “Have you ever watched a porno with a chick using a vibrator?”
“And was it hot?”
“So now, think about this: would your girl using a vibrator right in front of you be hot?”
He paused, looked around, then said in a low voice, “I see what you mean.”
Look guys, for those of us who enjoy the penis, it’s definitely not the same as the real thing. Is it fantastic? Oh, totally. But so are you. And you combined with our favorite buzzbuzzy? Fuck yes.
I’m not saying to whip out your Magic Wand on the first date, especially if you’re not sure where your partner stands on it. Here are some tips on how to introduce the idea of sex toys into your relationship.
Talk About It First
Like I said, you don’t want to be springing love swings or bondage gear on your partner if you aren’t sure how they’ll take it. And the best way to figure out how they’ll take it? Talk about it. There are lots of ways to bring it up, apart from, “I’d like to introduce a robotic dick into our lovemaking sessions.” Maybe bring it up while you’re getting down: “How about we go to a sex store tomorrow and pick out something to enjoy the next time we rendezvous?” Or stop by a store while out on the town as a surprise and tell them to pick out something fun. If you know they’ll be embarrassed about being seen in an adult store, there’s always online.
Timing Is Everything
If you are worried that your partner will have an adverse reaction (like my friend did) to your suggestion of a sex toy, be sensitive. Wait until you’re certain they know that they already please you sexually, so that everyone will realize that said-toy is just a supplement, not a replacement. Give them lots of praise when they do things right on their own, and be sure to communicate instead of falling silent to when their performance is a little less than satisfactory.
If you have a toy from a previous relationship, it might be a sore spot with a new flame. Instead, take your partner out on a date to a sex store and invest in something fun together. Some toys aren’t hygienic to be shared between partners anyway, so make some new, delightful memories.
Become a Bedroom Scientist
Even if you have experience with toys alone or with previous partners, don’t be afraid to experiment. You never know when you’ll find something new that you like– like a brand-new buttplug or some light bondage. Your sexuality is constantly evolving, and so is your partner’s, so feel free to experiment!
Don’t Become a Toy Hog
If your partner is having trouble understanding why you want to use your toys, turn around and use it on them. You don’t have to turn immediately to pegging if they aren’t comfortable with a vibe up the butt– vibrators can still give nice massages, even to male genitalia. Some toys, like vibrating rings, are meant for couples to use together.
If your partner is having trouble coping with your vibe use, let them use it on you. It’s a good way to show them that they’re still in control of your pleasure in the bedroom, even if they aren’t using their body parts to please you at the time. It’s a good way to get you warm and wet for further, more intimate explorations.
Don’t Make It All About The Toys
If your partner wants to be intimate, don’t immediately go diving into the toy box. Sometimes, some people just want some good old-fashioned boning, without any silicone or ropes to get in the way. Remember– use the toys to supplement and enhance your relationship, not replace it.