Rope and Restraint Play: An Introduction

The first time my partner and I went shopping for rope at our local adult store. A kindly-looking woman my mother’s age showed us a fine selection of ropes, leathers, and tape and then, laughing, said, “That’ll make sure her cute ass can’t escape!”

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I could tell it was gonna be awesome.

It was a kink we’d wanted to explore after experimenting a little with scarves and bedposts. We settled on some simple nylon rope and to this day, this bundle of rope is one of our favorite toys. Here are some tips and tricks for experimenting with rope and restraint play with your partner!

Communication

Once, I was tied in a very sexy position. But this position had me face-down on the bed, which was extremely uncomfortable. The sexiness of the position soon wore off when my neck began to ache from trying to breathe the way that I was laying.

“This isn’t fun anymore,” I thought to myself. I told my partner, who quickly un-did the knots that bound me and saw to my mental care by asking me if I was alright, if there was anything I needed, and snuggling me.

Like with other forms of BDSM, rope and restraint play needs to involve a special degree of communication. Perhaps that’s what makes it more intimate than even regular sexual encounters. When you are restrained, you are at someone’s mercy. You need to trust them completely.

Many couples who use restraint play employ a safe word to let their partner know when things get too uncomfortable or too real. Others use auto-release handcuffs or silk ties so that they can break themselves free if need be. What you decide to do depends on your level of trust with your partner, and also on your other safety agreements.

For the safest play, make sure to discuss everything beforehand. Come up with a game plan, make sure you’re very clear with your partner about what you want, what you don’t want, and what positively, absolutely cannot happen (and what absolutely, positively MUST happen too). Just talking about it can get you riled up and ready to go and it’ll make sure there aren’t any unpleasant surprises.

Safety rules:

  • Keep a safety kit on hand at all times! This kit should have safety scissors (also called EMT sheers) or some other blunted cutting instrument that can’t hurt the bottom if it’s slipped under the ropes.

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  • Never tie around the neck. It is an accident waiting to happen. Experienced tops may feel comfortable doing this, so make sure you’re on the same page before you begin playing.
  • If doing suspension play of any kind, have an emergency plan in place. It may be far more unsafe to immediately cut someone free and have them fall then to take a minute to carefully cut them down.
  • Never leave someone who’s tied up alone.
  • Never try to tie yourself up alone.
  • Don’t do it while intoxicated.
  • Never tie on joints. Wrists, knees, elbows, and ankles need to be avoided, sexy though they may seem. Instead, tie a couple inches in the other direction. Here’s a handy chart:
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    Image via lookwhatyoudo.livejournal.com

Restraints

For beginners to the world of restraint play, the Vanilla Bondage Kit is a great place to start. It has some simple but attractive silk ties, as well as a blindfold. That, or something like our Furry Handcuffs.

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Advanced players in the restraint game may prefer something like our Hog Tie Kit.

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No matter what restraints you’re using, remember, it’s not just about having sex while tied up or tied down.  It’s about playing, about trust, and experimentation. Try playing with temperature by gently exposing your partner to colder or warmer temperatures (if they’re comfortable with that). Or try some pain-based BDSM. A clitoral vibe is a gentler way to spice things up, or any of these others spicy couples toys.

Shibari/Kinbaku

Kinbaku is a very advanced form of rope play that couple art with restraint play. It comes from a form of imprisonment founded in Japan. The goal was to imprison enemies in a way that was not invasive, but also beautiful. It gave rise to an entirely new art form.

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A very SFW Shibari photo via Raphael Kluzniok, The Chronicle

Shibari, on the other hand, is considered to be done for purely aesthetic purposes, not sexual. Although calling the sexual form of this type of play by either name is considered alright within the community. Check out this Pinterest collection of Shibari/Kinbaku photos!

Both forms adhere to strict rules of aestheticism and beauty. It’s not just about being tied up, but it’s about the practice, or the road to being tied up. This can be sensual not only in the way that it allows one partner to share their body with another, but also because of the care, power, and preparation that goes into a successful demonstration.

Check out this awesome and easy-to-use guide to many Kinbaku poses!

Buyer’s Guide: Triple Area Vibrators

Frustrated with juggling your toys around in order to get the clitoral, vaginal and anal stimulation you desire? You’re not the only one fumbling around with batteries, cords, switches, buttons and handles. This familiar feeling, I know all too well.

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Add in a super slippery lube, like iLube, to the mix and it becomes downright impossible to manage three toys at once. I’ve even tried using my feet and pillows for leverage, but the intricate and delicate psychics of handling three toys at once is simply too much for one person to handle, even for a drummer who loves octopus-sy, like me.

Luckily, triple area vibrators offer a solution to this, “I desperately need more limbs,” dilemma while masturbating. With only one magnificent device, instead of two or three, these lifesavers cut back on the hassle, planning and strain of using multiple toys simultaneously.

With triple area vibrators, there’s only once sex toy to maneuver, keep powered up and there is less clean up afterwards as well. Plus, since one integral one won’t slip out of place while you’re holding onto a different toy, all of your most sensitive parts will be directly stimulated the entire time you’re building towards a powerful, total body climax.

Spicy Gear’s Best Triple Area Vibrators:

 

Vibrating Diva Pleaser

If you like the idea of the rabbit-style vibrators, but you’d rather not look at an animal while masturbating– and you crave a little extra anal stimulation, the Vibrating Diva Pleaser could be your best bet. I like the simple controls, the purple color and the overall size of this toy, at 6″ insertable length and a 4.5″ circumference, quite a bit. The clitoral nubs are more pleasurable for me than rabbit ears are, as they rub directly onto the clitoris, instead of just on either side of it.

The graduated sizes of spheres along the shaft add another extra spicy element to the triple area party. I’m also a big fan of the two AAA batteries as a power source and the push button for changing between the three speeds it offers. It’s made by California Exotics from phthalate-free TPR, which means it’s non-toxic, but is porous, so beware of sharing it with a partner or storing it without cleaning it and drying it properly.

 

8” Ribbed Bunny Vibe

This colossal sized Ribbed Bunny Vibe is great for those who want to bring their masturbation game up to the next level. With a full 5.5″ girth on this toy, those who prefer a wider circumference will be pleased with the size of this bunny vibe, however, don’t be fooled by the 8″ name– the product is 8″ long, but only 5.5″ of it is insertable.

It’s got multi-speeds, is waterproof for shower or bath-time fun and only takes 2 AA batteries. The rabbit portion of the toy is pretty standard, but the ribbed shaft, complete with a woman’s face and breasts for angled G-Spot stimulation and a long, soft tail for anal stimulation sets this toy apart from other bunny sex toys. It’s made by Top Cat from phthalate-free materials, but it is a porous toy, so proceed with caution.

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Dreamboat

For those who are new to triple area vibrators, or for those who prefer a less intense and smaller sex toy, the Dreamboat was made for you. Great for hands-free masturbation, the Dreamboat can be used on a flat surface for humping and bumping all three of your best areas all at once, including your G-Spot.

This vibe has a 3.5″ insertable length, takes 2 AAA batteries and only has one speed, so it’s super simple to use with just one on/off switch to fiddle with. It’s made by Vibratex out of latex-free (perfect for those with latex allergies or sensitivities) and phthalate-free elastomer, which is a hypoallergenic material often used in medical implants.

cunningcactusCunning Cactus

When Spicy Gear’s owner Kim bestowed this toy to each of us, Spicy Gear Girl and I were very wide eyed and  pleased with our new triple area acquisitions. The Cunning Cactus, or cock-tus, as we like to call them, are not for the faint of heart. Not only do they have nubs on each prong of the cactus, this baby takes a 9 volt battery, so you know it’s packing some serious power.

The push button design is easy to use and offers variable, steady and multi-speed vibrations. It’s also quite sizable, with an insertable length of 5.5″ and an insertable girth of 5.5.” It’s made by Top Cat of TPR materials, so use condoms on it or be sure to disinfect it with some Before and After Toy Cleaner for safety.

Product Review: Astroglide Glycerin and Paraben-Free

In a perfect world, all lubes would be glycerin and paraben-free. But that’s simply not an option. These potentially dangerous ingredients give lubes certain qualities that we really love. So, when a lube comes along that takes away these problematic ingredients, we have to ask ourselves two questions: “Is it just as good?” and, “Is it just as safe?”

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I’ll admit, too, that ever since my early days of sexual experimentation, I haven’t been much of an Astroglide fan. It’s always felt to me like going in to the gyno (which could be because it’s the same lube that my gyno uses) more than sexy.

And true, this lube starts off very smooth and silky-feeling. It’s comparable to other water-based lubes, like Probe Thick Rich. However, I felt like it dried out very fast. Just putting it between my fingers and rubbing them back and forth, this lube dried up in about ten passes, whereas the same amount of a comparable water-based lube, Probe’s Silky Light, took 60+ passes (and for reference, that one has no parabens either, although it does contain vegetable glycerin).

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However, unlike other forms of Astroglide, Astroglide Glycerin and Paraben-Free didn’t get super tacky when it dried up. It just sort of dried up and went away, ready for more application.

Also, as another bonus, this lube has a very sweet taste to it. As you’ll see below, two different ingredients could have contributed to that: the butylene glycol and the xylitol. This lube would be great for oral sex, particularly cunnilingus (if you’re in a trusting relationship and don’t use dental dams) since it’s fairly vagina-friendly while still tasting good.

Wait, fairly vagina-friendly? What does that mean? If it doesn’t have glycerin or parabens in it, what does this lube have? I decided to go in depth with some of these ingredients and see if it’s really safer than normal lube.

  • Purified Water: Fresh, safe H2O. Nothing wrong here, just don’t use it for anal.
  • Butylene Glycol: This petroleum derivative is body-safe. It’s not carcinogenic nor is it toxic, but some people do find it a little irritating to the skin, particularly if they have sensitive skin. In fact, it’s very commonly used in many other health and beauty products, so if you’ve had reactions to other such products, you may want to skip out on this lube as well.
  • Propylene Glycol: This odorless and tasteless ingredient is actually listed on the Agency For Toxic Substances and Disease Registry as harmful to the skin, renal, and respiratory systems. It’s job is to absorb water, which, in lube form, would indicate that it’s supposed keep the water in the lube from absorbing too quickly. But, the ATSDR also notes that it’s, “generally recognized as safe.” This ingredient is found in many lubes, especially those with water-bases.
  • Xylitol: This is a sweetener often given to diabetics since it’s sugar-free. Which makes this lube actually taste pretty good for a water-based, unflavored lube. It’s completely safe for humans (and even has some beneficial qualities to dental hygiene) however, it can be toxic to dogs. So don’t leave your Astroglide out where Floofykins can get it.
  • Polyquaternium-15: This article seems to indicate that polyquarternium-15 may have some link with HIV replication, which could be a bad sign for couples where one partner is HIV-positive and the other is trying to remain negative. In fact, many sites seem to agree that this ingredient is just an equally-bad replacement for parabens since it can also damage skin cells.

Understand that just because it’s glycerin and paraben-free doesn’t mean it’s 100% body-safe and use it at your own risk. Remember, lubes work differently for everyone. Another, more natural, water-based lube like WET Naturals Beautifully Bare might be a better choice if you’re seriously concerned.

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Final Verdict

If you are serodiscordant partners (one partner is HIV+, one isn’t), if you’ve had reactions to other lubes, or if you’re just not a fan of water-based lubes, this lube won’t be a good option for you. If you don’t really care, there are probably still better lubes out there for you. If the ingredients don’t concern you and you’re looking for something that tastes sweet, try Astroglide’s Glycerin and Paraben-Free Formula out for sure and see. Who knows? You could love it.

Overall Rating: 2 Stars

Is it Safe to Use My Sex Toy When I’m Pregnant?

Pregnancy can be a wonderful but confusing time for your body. So many things are off limits for the health of you and your baby, how do you know what’s OK and not? We get this question all the time and figured it was time to address it for our followers who are expecting.

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In fact, it can be very important to use sex toys during pregnancy. Many women have trouble achieving orgasms while they’re pregnant due to stress, discomfort, or a wide variety of other issues.

Masturbating or having toys used on you during pregnancy can be a great way to relieve stress, bond with your partner, and feel great.  Orgasms release oxytocin, which, when you’re past your due date, can even help encourage contractions. But don’t worry– if your pregnancy is healthy, having orgasms before your due date won’t put your baby at risk for an early delivery.

There’s even anecdotal evidence that suggests using a vibrator or dildo will stretch out your perineum and make it less likely to rip during delivery, but you should consult your doctor before taking this for fact.

In fact, it’s very important that you make sure you discuss all of this with your doctor before going ahead.

For all toys, make sure they’re body safe. Toys with phthalates are not only dangerous normally, but they can even be extra dangerous when you’re pregnant.

Vibrators and Dildos

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YES– You can totally use vibrators when you’re pregnant. That’s right, even the powerful vibrations of the Magic Wand won’t bug your baby, induce contractions, or give you any other pain.

The only exception is if your doctor has said that you are too far progressed or have some other condition that would normally make penetration or orgasm dangerous.

These conditions include placenta previa and premature labor risk, so if either one of those might be a problem or if you don’t know, remember to speak to your doctor.

 

Anal Toys

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YES– but be careful. You’re probably going to have hemorrhoids at some point during your pregnancy which would make sticking things up there, even soft toys, to be very painful.

The other problem with anal toys during pregnancy is that you need to make sure you’re keeping them clean. Switching a toy from anal to vaginal without switching the condom or without cleaning the toy off (if it’s not porous) can introduce dangerous bacteria to the vaginal canal or cervix, which in turn can give you or your baby a dangerous infection. Keep it clean and don’t force it if you’re in pain!

Strap-Ons

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YES– don’t worry, pegging fiends! Pregnancy shouldn’t slow you down. So long as your harness still fits and you can still comfortably maneuver that belly, you should be perfectly safe to give your significant other some love with your favorite fake peen, like the above Crotchless Panties with 7″ Strap-On Dildo.

Lubes and Condoms

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All of our lubes are completely safe to be used during pregnancy. You may find that you are sensitive to certain ones, such as those with warming agents. Because of that, we recommend using more neutral lubes, like Liquid Silk.

You may think, “Why would I want to use a condom? I’m already pregnant!” Remember, that condoms, including the FC2 female condom are currently the only certifiable ways to prevent the transmission of STDs.

That’s right, you can still catch STDs if you’re pregnant, and even worse: you can give some of them, like HPV, HIV, and syphilis to your baby. So if you aren’t in a monogamous relationship, make sure you’re staying safe!

Five Best Anal Lubes and Sprays

Let’s face it: buttsex is great because everyone’s got a butt. But the key component to the best anal sex of your life, be it with a penis, some fingers, or some toys, is the lubricant.

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Whether you’re DPing, Pegging, or just straight up gettin’ some in the bum, you need lube, and we’re not talking spit here. The anus is very sensitive to tearing when it encounters friction. Such tears are not only painful, but they can put you at risk for infection and STDs.

So, we decided to compile a list of our five favorite anal sprays and lubes for your reading pleasure. Let us know on Tumblr if you have a different preference!

A few tips first:

  • Condoms: If you’re using a penis or a porous toy, you may consider pairing your lube with a condom. We strongly recommend it in either case. Porous toys can hold on to bacteria and can never be truly cleaned. The anus is ripe with bacteria, no matter how much you douche it. Penises can get that bacteria in their urethras which can cause any manner of urinary tract infections. Condoms are the way to go!
  • Toys: Some toy shapes don’t do well in the butt, whereas others are made for back door entrance only! Check out our favorite butt-friendly toys and read about their history here!
  • Silicone: You’ll find that the majority of these lubricants are silicone-based and there’s a reason for that. The anus’ job is to absorb water, so water-based lubes typically become very tacky and sticky. Oil-based lubes can trap bacteria in the anus, potentially risking infection. They’re also not condom-safe. But silicone is a happy medium between the two and it’s perfectly body-safe! You can even ingest it.


WET Uranus Silicone

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WET’s Uranus is one of the best lubes on the market, whether it’s in silicone or water-based form. We selected the silicone-based lube to be included on this list though because not only is it glycerin and paraben-free, it’s just as hypoallergenic and awesome as the water-based lube! Our customers who use this lubricant for anal sex positively swear by it. While it doesn’t have any tingling, warming, or numbing agents, it’s going to make your back door slick and smooth and your experience painless.

 

Pjur Analyse Me! Glide and Spray

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Read our review!

Not only do we love the punny name of this project, but we love the way it feels! Many anal lubes and sprays come with benzocaine and lidocaine to numb yo’ butt. We don’t completely think that’s a great idea– when you’re in pain, it’s a great time to stop and try again later. But Pjur Analyse Me! glide and spray both have soothing aloe vera instead. While it will soothe any slight pain, it won’t numb you completely, letting you still feel every inch so you can tell if something’s gone wrong.

 

Pjur Bodyglide

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Like WET Uranus, Pjur Bodyglide is one of the golden standards for silicone-based lubes. This lube really put Pjur on the map not just for anal lubes, but for lubes in general. You see, for those of you who are particularly sensitive skin, this lube isn’t going to clog pores or irritate any dermatitis. It’ll go on nice and smooth and keep you moisturized down there without screwing anything else up. Just be careful, because it’s not toy-safe for toys that aren’t a proven 100% silicone.

ID Millenium

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Read our review!

One of our reviewers has already declared her undying love to ID Millenium, and we don’t blame her. This is one of the slickest silicone lubes out there, and it stays slick for the entire time you’re at play. With only three ingredients, it’s extremely body-safe, so even if you’ve had a reaction to the very safe Uranus or Body Glide, this will prove that third time really is a charm. Just be careful– it can be difficult to get this super power lube out of cloth, like sheets or clothing!

 

WET Gelee

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This is the only water-based lube you’ll find on the list. Why? The answer lies in the gooposity. Yes, this lube is as thick and goopy as it gets. And thick and goopy is good for butts. While water-based lubes are normally enemy #1 for butts due to the fact that the anus absorbs water so well, in this case, the thickness helps keep everything in place. If you have a particularly special toy that isn’t 100% silicone and you’re worried about the above products damaging it, this lube is going to be your best friend. I even use it with my glass toys.

Product Review: Wet Inttimo Massage Oil

With so many interesting options, I had a difficult time deciding on which Wet Inttimo Massage Oil scent to try. Eventually, I went with the one called Romance.

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Romance is listed as having a cedar-wood and patchouli scent, which concerned me a bit since I’m not all about smelling like I just got home from a festival, new age shop or a reggae show. But, the odor has much more of a light and airy sandalwood/cedar-wood aroma than a straight-up patchouli vibe. Both my partner and I loved the natural and somewhat subtle and natural smell. I selected wisely.

Other oil options by Wet Inttimo include: Cucumber Melon, Invigorate (citrus and eucalyptus), Forbidden Fruit (berries) and Sensuality (tuberose and ylang-ylang). They all come in attractive, 8 ounce (237 ml) bottles and are all the same color natural oil color and share the same consistency. Although I did not personally notice any stains from this almost clear product, putting down a protective towel is always a good idea when playing with oil on an absorbent surface.

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Great for massage, plus it’s a condom-safe lubricant.

Specifically made for both sensual massage and for use as a bath oil, this oil is great for use both in and out of the bedroom. Be very aware that oil does compromise the integrity of latex condoms, so this is not to be used as a lubricant when condoms are in play, unlike Pjur Light BodyGlide, which is used by professional massage therapists and also happens to be a condom-safe personal lubricant.

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The FC2 condom is compatible with oil.

These are the only downfalls of this product, in my eyes. But, like coconut or baby oil, it can be used with some types of non-latex condoms like Trojan NaturaLambs and the FC2 female condom. Another thing to be aware of is that this oil does contain glycerine, which can cause yeast infections in some women. But, this would make a safe and great feeling lube for male masturbation.

The main ingredient in these oils is almond oil, which I am a huge fan of in general. In other forms, I’ve used it in other health and beauty products, in baking and for shining up wooden floors. Other high quality nut oils from macadamia nuts and kukui nuts are found Wet Inttimo Massage Oils as well. Additional moisturizing ingredients from nature include: hempseed oil, avocado oil, sunflower seed oil, aloe, vitamin E and vitamin A.

My muscles were as warm and limp as spicy noodles after a deep massage with Wet Inttimo.

My muscles were as warm and limp as spicy noodles after a deep massage with Wet Inttimo.

As a contrast to other oils I have tried in the past, this one did not cause me to have any acne breakouts, rashes or scent-oriented allergies. My partner gave me a seriously thorough rub down, for around an hour, and it felt quite magical– as it turned my once tensed-up limbs into glorious limp wet noodles. The oil saturation level was a perfect blend of coating the skin for sliding action and absorbing into the skin for soothing deep massage.

Considering the lengthy duration and constant moisture involved in this massage, I was pretty darn shocked to see how much oil was left over. A mere half inch of oil was missing from the top of the bottle after all was said and done, which I would say was around half an ounce of oil. Happy to have so much left, I poured the same amount into a warm jacuzzi bath, and found it to be extremely soothing and hydrating.

Wet Inttimo goes hand in hand with a glass of wine and a hot bath.

Wet Inttimo goes hand in hand with a glass of wine and a hot bath.

Honestly, for $15.99, I wasn’t expecting so many uses out of this massage and bath oil. I plan on getting around 15 uses from this bottle. At about a dollar a pop, this stuff has far exceeded my expectations for both quality and longevity. So, you’ll have plenty of chances to light some candles and soak in a tub or give or get a sensual massage.

Final Verdict:

Wet Inttimo Massage Oil smells fantastic and feels phenomenal. It calmed my mind and helped my partner create the right amount of pressure on my tense areas, resulting in relaxed muscles, moisturized skin, a calm mind and a smiling partner.

Overall Rating: 4 Stars

How To: Safe Temperature Play

Temperature play includes a wide variety of sexual acts– everything from blowing cool air on sensitive areas to playing with fire, literally. So, how do you know if you’re being safe? Here are some tips on the best ways to get off or get your partner off without causing lasting harm!

Cold Play

Cold temperature play is considered somewhat less dangerous than heat play, but that doesn’t mean it’s completely harmless.

A good way to find out if you’re craving the chill is to try out some tingling lubricant. Apply your favorite toy or genitals with WET Synergy + Cool Tingle. If it isn’t too intense and if you like the chilly feeling, feel free to further explore.

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If you’re new to cold temperature play, start off small.  An ice cube can be comfortably applied to the nipples or other sensitive spots with few worries. Throw a blindfold and some soft restraints like the Hog Tie Kit into the mix and treat your partner to a fun, teasing time. Just make sure you’re familiar with the safety protocols of BDSM before you go tying anyone up.

If you’re going to make your own ice dildo like our friends over at Condom Depot did, or inset ice into any orifice, you’ll need to be extra careful. When ice breaks, it can sometimes have rough edges that can cut or scratch places that aren’t meant to be cut or scratched. Wear them down with a little bit of water before moving forward with your plans. You can also prevent this by placing a condom around the ice dildo.

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Additionally, some toys become a whole new level of fun when exposed to cold. Glass toys, like our favorite Glass Gem Peridot, can be placed in the freezer for an hour or so before play for a chilling treat. It’s not a great idea to keep them in there all the time though. Sometimes, it can lead to the glass cracking. Even worse, it can crack if it’s exposed to heat too quickly– such as during play. Be very careful and don’t let them stay too cold.

Metal toys, like the nJoy line, can withstand more cold temperature exposure. Just make sure that you lube them up nice and good after pulling them out of the freezer so we don’t get a tongue-on-a-flagpole situation.

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For more intense play, parts of the body or the whole body can be submerged in ice or cold water for short periods of time. If this suits your fancy, remember to look for tell-tale signs of hypothermia or frostbite: blue lips, loss of feeling, loss of ability to feel cold, clumsiness or drowsiness, trouble feeling the extremities, and confusion.

Since cold play can sometimes be painful, it’s a good idea to use a safe word to prevent any accidental miscommunication. Another good indicator may be the stop light system: red means, “Stop, begin aftercare.” Yellow means, “Stop doing this thing, but let the sexytimes continue!” And green, of course, means, “Go, go, go!”

Heat Play

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Heat play can be a little more complicated. There are many different kinds of heat play, but you’ll want to start off with something simple.

A heated lube, like WET Synergy + Warming Personal Lubricant is a great start into the world of heated play. But some women may find it uncomfortable or irritating. If you have sensitive skin, it might be something to stay away from. Otherwise, rub a little on the inside of your arm and see if you have a reaction before applying it to any sensitive areas. These lubes typically have capsaicin in them, which is the chemical that makes peppers taste so hot. It’s in a small enough amount that it won’t do any harm, but for sensitive people, it may be uncomfortable.

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From there, you may want to try out the world of candle and wax play. This is a favorite of mine because it feels so damn good, but it’s not expensive or difficult to get into.

The first thing you should consider when playing with candles is the type of candle. Regular wax candles are alright, but they can burn pretty hot and some people may find that heat to be jarring and uncomfortable when they first start experimenting. Beeswax candles are a big no! The flame must be extremely hot to melt beeswax and applying that wax to your skin can be very, very dangerous.

Most candles sold in adult stores for that exact reason are made of soy. Soy candles are very soft, so it doesn’t take a lot of heat to burn them. But the other awesome thing about soy candles? The wax is so soft, it can be used as a massage oil!

Much like putting toys in the freezer, you can heat up your toys by placing them in hot water or wrapping them in hot, wet wash rags. It’s safe to do this with some glass toys (check with the manufacturer first), and even silicone toys, like our Couture Collection, can take the heat! Just make sure that they’re water-proof.

If you want to up the ante even more, research the complicated methods of certain types of heat play:

  • Cupping: Air inside of the cup placed on the skin is heated up to create a suction.
  • Fire play: Fuel, such as alcohol, is applied to the skin and then lit by a fire wand.
  • Bouncing and streaking: Fire wands are bounced or streaked against unprotected skin.

These can be very dangerous to someone who is inexperienced, so please: don’t attempt them until you’ve either seen a demonstration or done your research. Here’s a good starter video on fire play: